Guys To Avoid – The Guy Who Forgets You Are An Actual Person

I had taken a little bit of a break from chatting with guys online. I needed to just take a moment to regroup, and get my strength back up to try this again. Also, we were working out the rules and I wanted to start fresh with those firmly in place.

Anyway, yesterday I started talking to a couple guys and immediately realized one of them was a hard no – which led to us discussing how there are some guys out there that throw up these not-so-subtle red flags right from the beginning of your interactions with them. Which then led us to decide that it might be handy to compile a list of these early warning signs.

So, first on our list, fresh from my experience yesterday, is The Guy Who Forgets You Are An Actual Person!

Initially, I thought of labeling this guy Instant Sexter, but then I realized, that’s just a symptom of a bigger problem. To explain, here’s the interaction I had yesterday:

We started chatting. All I knew about him initially was his age and where he worked. Immediately he launched right into asking me sexual questions about myself. Actually, I misinterpreted the first one, because he asked me ‘what I was into.’ I’d answered with a fairly tame answer, assuming he meant my hobbies/interests, but he just responded with ‘lol no I meant sexually’. Ahh but of course you did. OF COURSE YOU DID.

I knew at that point the conversation was going to take a downturn, but I decided to go on with it out of curiosity. He continued to list off all the things HE was into sexually, which of course was a long list of things that were beneficial to him, and of no real benefit to me.

For example, at one point he asked me if I liked ‘facials’ because, you guys are not gonna believe this, but he QUITE enjoyed them. Because yeah, what I really want is some strange man to jerk off onto my face. COOL SIGN ME RIGHT THE FUCK UP. Every single thing he mentioned was for his pleasure, not mine. He made literally zero mention of any sexual act that was not entirely selfish and focused around him.

Getting further into the conversation where he continued to talk about his sexual interests, I noticed that after his first question about what I was ‘into,’ which I never answered, by the way, he didn’t ask me a single question about myself. It’s one thing to get flirty and be sexy, but he wasn’t trying at any point to turn ME on, he was just trying to figure out if I could fulfill HIS needs.

At this point, he hadn’t even remotely approached speaking to me like I was an actual human being in any way, and was just treating me like a thing he could fuck. I was 100% certain that I’d never meet this person because it would be utterly pointless for me, and I’m gonna go out on a limb here, but I would assume the sex would be absolutely and utterly terrible.

So I wanted to experiment with him. I wanted to see if I could somehow get him to talk to me like I was a person, to recognize that this wasn’t the beginning of a porn, and if I could actually get him to acknowledge there was more to me than just some blow-up doll fantasy he was having over there all on his own.

So I asked him to tell me something about himself that wasn’t sexual. He responded with – again I reiterate, the only information I already knew about him – his age and job. I gently reminded him that I already knew that because he had told me when he initially met me, but what were his hobbies? What did he do for fun?

‘Hockey. Hang out.’

This is verbatim.

I wasn’t going to give up yet. I asked him more about his job because it was in an industry I didn’t know much about. He was only giving me one or two-word answers, I was carrying the conversation, and then he stopped responding altogether.

So then, finally I asked: ‘Have you ever met anyone you’ve chatted with online in person before?’

I didn’t expect a response, because of course he’d lost interest as we were talking about non-sexual things (and mind you, he never asked me a single question about myself during that brief part of the conversation either.) But I was so curious – does this work on ANYONE? Is there actually a woman out there who chatted with this guy and was like, yeah, you know what? I’m gonna meet this dude and just let him cum all over my face and then go home deeply unsatisfied. That’ll be a fun way to spend an evening.

But he responded!

His answer made me so proud of all the other women out there, the countless women who this guy has inevitably contacted and tried to bang:

‘Never.’

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Good job, ladies. Good job.

Anyway, clearlyyyy this sort of guy is a never-meet. It’s so, so obvious that all he cares about is getting what he wants out of the situation, it could literally be with anyone, the specifics of you or I or anyone is completely irrelevant to this equation. He didn’t, at any point, indicate to me that he realized I was also, ya know, A HUMAN BEING, with my own wants and needs. He just assumed that he could list off what he was looking for and I would just be thrilled to jump right in there and give it all to him. I doubt this sort of guy even has the level of self-awareness required to understand WHY he’s never successfully managed to have a hookup with someone he’s chatted with online.

I’d love to say these guys are rare, but they’re sadly not. Maybe they’re not always as extreme as this case but they’re still pretty easy to recognize. Your instincts will tell you. You’ll feel it in your gut. The feeling of someone neglecting to treat you like a person who deserves respect, kindness, and decency are pretty damn easy to identify if you pay attention.

-A